How Dismal!!!

I have a whole lot of reasons to be happy, like a good job, great friends, a family that loves me... I even recorded a kickin song last night with DJ Carlos. In actuality it was amazing. We sat down and did this spontaneous tune about "Clay St." based on a few progressions and melodies I had been playing with. It turned out great and may make a future album cut - you just never know.... ::abusing the ellipsis::

Anyway despite all the blessings I have, including the song and the $129 flight I got back home, all the things I have to be happy about, I am finding myself saddened. The main reason is because of a realization that I may never get over the pain of getting over my last relationship. Yeah, in case y'all didn't know, I was in some sincere mental anguish for the majority of last year... I was honestly in love with a girl... and crushed when she decided she was not sure if she loves me.

And someone asked me if I was over her this evening, and of course I said "yeah, I'm over her..." Unfortunately I said it too quickly to sound sincere and they saw strait through me. So then I came clean... and it was depressing cause I realized NO I'm not over her. YES I still want to be with her. AND furthermore I don't think I will get over her, even though I have mentally decided to do so and to put myself out there and try.

Until I meet someone who can replace the huge void that she left in my mind and heart when she became once again only "a friend"... I don't think I will get over her. It's going to take physically moving on and then eventually finding someone else... no, in the grand scheme you don't want to... but you are forced to... how dismal!!! But I'm still lookin up... ;-)